In Pakistan, women are taught that their opinions matter little. This makes them unable to defend themselves and makes them very vulnerable. That is why Pakistani Christians give assertiveness training. 28-year-old Amina from Gujranwala also attended such a training. How has this counselling changed her?
Tacit consent
Because her husband works abroad, Amina lives alone with her parents-in-law. When it comes to everyday decisions, she often feels powerless and unheard. When family members ask her to do extra work, receive unexpected guests or do things she is not really good at, for example, she tacitly agrees. Fearing that others will find her rude or disrespectful, she does not express her own needs. This leads to stress, emotional exhaustion and a lack of self-confidence. Even in her church, she keeps her own opinions and ideas to herself.
Learning to express feelings
Then Amina joins assertiveness training sessions. During the sessions, she learns that being assertive is not disrespectful, but rather a way of speaking the truth in love, as Jesus taught us. She starts using ‘I messages’ to express her feelings in a gentle and clear way. For example, she learns to say, “I feel tired today and I need rest before I can help.” She also learns the difference between being passive, aggressive and assertive. Slowly but surely, she begins to set healthy boundaries at home and express her needs without fear. Her self-confidence grows, her stress decreases and her relationships became healthier and more honest. She also becomes more active in conversations at church and shares her ideas in a respectful way.
Honouring God and protecting yourself
Today, Amina has a strong sense of self-worth. She has discovered that Biblical assertiveness helps her to honour God, respect others and protect her own emotional well-being at the same time. Her husband notices the positive change. Her in-laws are also beginning to appreciate her calm and clear communication.
Amina and others participating in the training indicate that the Bible passages they read help them understand what women are feeling and understand themselves better. They also indicate that they now not only share their own feelings, but also help their children express their feelings.
Diaconate CGK supports the work of Christians giving counselling sessions.
